April 2008

You know what pisses me off? I’m 37 and still get pimples. Thirty-seven. Are you freakin’ kidding me? Wait til I have kids. Like the Aqua Velva commercial says, “Many things are passed from father to son,” but I won’t be passing that crappy aftershave to my son. It’ll be Stridex. My daughter can get some too.

You gotta love more charges being brought up on Barry Bonds. I wonder what political office Bonds held? Oh that’s right. He’s a baseball player. Only. Just like Roger Clemens. I wonder if former governor Eliot Spitzer will get raked across the media coals like Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens have been. Let me answer that for you. No. On planet America, Barry and Roger allegedly taking steroids and possibly lying to a grand jury is much more important than being the governor of New York who was part of a prostitution ring.

Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern is an ass-clown. Gays and lesbians will never experience true acceptance as long as a birdbrain like this one are holding a political seat.

Hear that big bang? That was the Reverend Jeremiah Wrong eeeerrrrr! Wright destroying Obama Barack’s chances of receiving (outright) the Democratic nomination for President. Then again, he still might get the nod. Obama is like that hot stripper all those sexually starved men gravitate towards at the strip club. The media being the sex starved men. In addition, throw away the talk of him running as simply a candidate for the Presidency. He is now running as a Black candidate. McCain wins by default.

Speaking of the Democratic nomination to run for the Presidency, between the lies of Obama and Hillary, NBC should replace Biggest Loser with Biggest Liar.

I’m all set with those stupid Geico commercials. Cavemen and pop-locking geckos. And of course when I switched to a different insurance company from the aforementioned, they took out their BS Manifesto. I wonder if the Geico crony had a listening comprehension problem? What part of “I’m not paying 2 grand for full coverage on an 07,” did this sanctimonious buffoon not understand? American Commerce agreed with my statement. I pay 875 dollars less with much better coverage. Hey Geico idiots! Fool someone else with your BS stats, your commercials for reptile lovers and prehistoric junkies and have them fund your dropped out of Hollywood make-up artists and amateur claymation geeks.

I’m not an economist but has any one figured out we’re in a recession and have been for awhile? Before you mensas say, “How do you know? You said it yourself you’re not an economist.” I know because I have observation skills and common sense.

One of the things I can’t stand about sports is the bandwagoneers. I live in Red Sox Country. I have players on the Sox I love because I am a fan, first and team specific, second. To win one World Series is one hell of an accomplishment. Winning two in 4 years is even greater. But I gotta ask these out of the woodwork Red Sox fans, where were you before 2004? This goes out to all who jump on any bandwagon. Rome wasn’t built in a day and you’re a loser. Kudos to those fans who stick by their teams when they suck and then bring home the jewelry.

I can’t stand people who get bent out of shape if you don’t acknowledge them. You got these weirdoes at your workplace. The ones that make sound effects to get your attention. They burp, they sigh, grunt, fake sneeze, whistle or whatever they learn in Weirdo 101 to get your attention. Really, what is your problem? I could care less if I go the whole day without speaking one word. Maybe their wife and kids don’t hug them. I don’t know. What I do know is this, if your life is predicated on how many hellos, good mornings and nods of acknowledgement you receive, you are a loser.