June 2008

Hey hairy back guy. Yes you with the Persian knock off rug coming out of your tank top. Trim it down from shag. The last thing I need to see when I’m out is a person who happens to be the missing link of the evolution line.

Speaking of tank tops, if you have arms that can snake a clogged sink, wear a t-shirt. Please.

Look at Obama, Hillary and McCain for a moment. When I do, I hear the theme song for the Three Stooges.

I don’t understand the logic of drivers. I could go the easy route and speak of the clueless fool who drives 10 miles with their directional signal on. But I rather talk about these idiots and their opposite actions on the on ramps/off ramps. People! Speed up on the on ramps because you want to be able to hit the hole and merge with traffic. Slow down coming off an off ramp so you don’t ride your vehicle against a Jersey barrier or guardrail. Got it?

I like to eat my corn. Not have it liquefied and jacking up my car’s engine.

I look at Roger Clemens’ 4 Cy Young awards (post-Boston Red Sox) and Al Gore’s Nobel Peace Prize as the same. Cheating and lying to get the big prize and pretty much irrelevant.

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it I owe back taxes in 17 different states. -Al Franken

Paper money discriminates against the blind? And I know, music discriminates against the deaf. Walking discriminates against the paralyzed. I know, condoms discriminate against those who want to get pregnant. Are you ffffffff . . . freakin’ kidding me???

In a somewhat related story and with the spirit of the Olympics approaching, Oscar Pistorius of South Africa qualified for the Olympics. That is double amputee Oscar Pistorius. The sad part? He fought for two years for the right to race in the Olympics. The Court of Arbitration for Sport argued he would have an advantage because of his hi-tech, prosthetic legs. I didn’t receive that memo where having no legs was an advantage. Not that anyone would be jamming needle into their ass for Olympic glory.

If you’re an adult wearing crocs . . . eh, never mind.