October 2008

So I’m watching this stupid commercial about this thing called the Full Bar. I know you’ve seen it. The one with the fake doctor wearing his scrubs up to his nipples telling you to eat one Full Bar, drink a glass of water and then 30 minutes later eat. You won’t eat as much and you’ll lose weight. That fake doctor and his Full Bar are full of crap. Exercise and watch what you eat if you want to lose weight. Bleep the Full Bar and that fake doctor.

This is going to hurt me more than him because I loved him on ESPN Sportscenter, make the world a better place, punch Keith Olberman in his face. He is certifiably nuts. He’s not gonna make it!

I am more than convinced, nobody knows a damn thing about global warning. It’s just a bunch of bullcrap.

I don’t know who this weirdo Russell Brand is. But I think, strike that, I know he needs to get bitch-slapped several hundred times.

I would enjoy turning the Aflac duck into Peking duck. Hao chi le! Delicious for the Orientally-challenged.

Jesus was a community organizer. Pontius Pilate was a governor. There are so many things wrong with this. I’m offended by it and I am not a Christian. I tell you what, don’t say this around me and act all proud as if it represents your candidate. From this neo-Buddhist to you, a Christian of Convenience, I will knock your teeth so far down your throat Hermie the elf who wanted to be a dentist instead of doing what elves are supposed to do will be sticking a toothbrush up your backside to brush your teeth. Got that you misfit?!

In addition to the title of community organizer, anyone who states this is a credential worthy to become President (because there are plenty of morons saying this), based on this logic the Boys & Girls club basketball team I coached to a championship back in 1999 deems me worthy of being hired as an NBA coach.

Watching Hollywood stars endorse candidates is one thing. Watching them talk smack about the candidate they don’t like, that’s laughable at best. So this goes out to Lindsay Loskank. Speak about what you know best. Speak about cocaine. Speak about alcohol. Speak about rehab. Speak about pictures of you passed out drunk and coked up. Speak about your movie career that is in the crapper.

F-R-E-E that spells free, credit report dot com baby. Every time I hear this commercial I’m torn between two things. Either puking or kicking a hole through my television.

It’s been a month since school has started and I just love the bus routes interfering with me driving to work. What trumps this is the people who rip off my tax dollars to be called bus monitors. That’s right. Rip. Me. Off. The people they select, from what I have seen are either 500 years old or 500 pounds. Their job is to look all around the bus as well as under to make sure no child gets hurt. And they never do. They slightly bend at the neck like a dog hearing a odd noise. The only way these alleged monitors would wholeheartedly do this the correct way was if either there was a Applebee’s coupon for 40% off for ancient mariners or there were 12 course meals placed around the bus as well as under the bus.

Oh My God the 700 Billion Dollar Screw Job EEEERRRRR! Bailout is toast!!!