Be True To Yourself And Life Is Effortless

Are You Yuckin' Kiddin' Me?!
by Frank Y Pak Agostinelli

Feeble-mindedness Runs Amok

The London-based National Children's Bureau released a 366-page guide counseling adults on recognizing racist behavior in young children titled Young Children and Racial Justice. One of the points made by this magnum (n)op(e)us was to be aware of children who "react negatively to a culinary tradition other than their own by saying 'yuck'." Thus meaning these children may be exhibiting racist behaviour.

I found this about as amusing as some Presidential candidate making a sweeping generalization of Americans driving SUVs, eating too much and keeping thermostats at 72 degrees. When the dust settled, the smoke cleared and laughter ceased, I became somewhat irate. I don’t drive an SUV, I actually need to consume more food and I keep my thermostat at 62 degrees during winter months because oil is so freakin’ expensive!!! Oh yes, my apologies. To even utter a baseless correlation of children disliking cuisine from abroad and the exhibition of racist behaviour makes me believe there are an enormous number of people with an enormous amount of time on their hands. It’s time for these mensas to get a new hobby. Paint drying tournaments, observation of grass maturation, removal of stray eyebrow hairs and enjoying reruns of the Benny Hill Show sound like some great ideas for the NCB.

The Square Will Not Fit In The Circle

I often wonder where did it all go wrong? And of course the answer is right in front of my face. Political correctness. The same political correctness that has morphed into variant strains to affect most of this big blue marble and its inhabitants. Some of us who are working on a vaccine realize this is a scene from I Am Legend, "The people that are trying to make this world worse are not taking a day off — how can I?"



Political correctness is nothing more than a.) a perversely over-used term and b.) another way for one individual to say to another individual, “I do not have the testicular fortitude to tell you what I really want to tell you so I will place thine lips upon thee derrière.” Huggies!

There is no political correctness when it comes to food, eats, grinds or whatever you prefer to gloss what helps us live (or do you live to eat?). You either like it or you don’t like it. In most cases, our favorite foods are an individual choice not a groupthink. I despise green bean casserole. What race of people invented green bean casserole and what the hell do you call me if I don’t like green bean casserole? A green meanie? If we use this house of pop tarts to determine who is and who is not racist, I guess Michael Jordan is racist towards Koreans because he declined Charlie Sheen’s dinner offer and said no to Korean BBQ. Bad 45!



My mother gave me kim chi when I was 2 years old. I didn’t like it. I may or may not of exclaimed yuck. According to this mentally retarded logic, I am racist towards Koreans. Or would it be half-Koreans because I am half-Korean? Quite moronic!

How about eggs? Some people are allergic to eggs. What do you call them? Toobadus no gallus domesticus eggis foryouis? Some people love eggs. What do you call them? Luvis gallus domesticus eggis? Some people dislike eggs. What do you call them? Dislikis gallus domesticus eggis? Are these people considered racist towards gallus domesticus? Quite imbecilic!

What about pizza? Everybody loves pizza! Pizza as we know it came to be thanks to the wonderful people of Naples (who were probably a combination of Etruscans, Greeks, Ionians, Romans, Persians, etc.). Everybody loves Italians and Tony Soprano. Maybe some people are afraid of Italians because of Tony Soprano therefore “say“ they love pizza. Quite idiotic!

Just as these alleged highly intelligent people infect you with infinite, nonsensical strains to detect racism and/or racist behaviour, it is my job to keep working on the vaccine to eradicate such asinine trains of thought. As aforementioned, the people that are trying to make this world worse are not taking a day off — how can I?

Great Music, Great People
by Frank Y Pak Agostinelli

How many times have you heard or even stated yourself, “that’s a great song even though it’s a hip-hop, alternative, emo, R&B, rock & roll, country classic rock, etc. song?” Well, maybe not emo or country. On bending knee, one must ask what does categorization of a song have to do with it being great music? Absolutely zero. Now, how many times have you heard or stated yourself, "what a great person for a Black, White, Spanish, Jewish, Asian, Martian, etc. guy/girl?" Oh hachima! I know you said it before and I don't care. This isn't the point of focus. My question to you is what does being a great person have to do with the persons race? Absolutely zero.

Ask my man pc muñoz to describe his music. He’ll tell you Mutant Funk, or Funk Concréte. Categorize it baby! Mutant Funk. Or Funk Concréte. But ask me what I call his music, I’ll quote an overly sampled Funkadelic song and state, Good Old Music. I don’t say, "pc makes great Mutant Funk."

Or Funk Concréte. I simply say pc makes great music. No categorization but (my subjective and) the adjective great. Take my man Kip Fulbeck, part Asian 100% Hapa. Kip is Chinese, English, Irish, and Welsh. Yes. Hapa all day. He is also an award-winning artist, slam poet and filmmaker. And in case you suffer from short-term memory loss, a nationally ranked master’s swimmer. If I was asked what is the one thing that stands out most about Kip, I’d say he’s a great person. I don’t say “you know that Hapa cat Kip? What a great person.” I simply say Kip is a great person.

No categorization but (my subjective and) the adjective great. Now you’re probably saying, “you did categorize both music and people.” Well, no I didn’t. The music industry doesn’t have great as a category of music. You don’t go online to BMG or venture to Tower Records and go to the great music section. You go to the section of music you enjoy most. As far as people, great is not a race, an ethnicity or a culture. So it has been written, so it has been told . . .

When one begins to look at songs and individuals at their purest form, music is not truly recognized by its respective category nor people by their respective racial, ethnic, cultural, etc. categories, they are seen as great music and great people. Great people. Great music. As two of my favorites Raekwon and Ghostface Killa once rapped, Can’t it be oh so simple baby?

Random Thoughts Of An Angry Half-Asian Man

So what if I talk politics! These idiots are irritating me so someone needs to make some kind of sense of this nonsense.

Anyone else have the desire to kick a hole in their television when the two nerds, mini burgers and the wind tunnel chicks Burger King commercial comes on?

Flip-flops are meant to be worn not used in political rhetoric. Got that Barry?

I see TV revived the Beverly Hills 90210 series. I hate to think what would happen if I bitch slapped all of those girly-men on that show. Well, I know. Please stop! Why are you hitting me? No more Mr. Angry Half-Asian Man!

Make the world a better place, punch Nancy Pelosi’s plastic surgeon in his face. Because if she isn’t going to be part of gas solution, might as well make sure she doesn’t receive any more botox injections. Seeing the American people are paying the bill. Got that Plastic Pelosi?

Al Gore please go away and try not to leave a huge ass carbon footprint with your private jet.

What one will realize in a time of crisis is who are truly the smart ones and who are truly the stupid ones. Unfortunately, there are even more stupid people than I thought prior.

If you’re an anti-American who was born and raised in the United States, if possible I would like to personally show you door to alleged greener pastures. Plus introduce you to my size 12 shoe you mealy-mouthed buffoons! If you nimrods hate America so much (for example Jeremiah Wrong), move out of this country and see if you can run your mouth continuously like the big baby or babies you are. You’ll probably end up incarcerated or placed not so gently in front of a firing squad. Boom, outta here!

How come Jesse Jackson wasn’t raked over the coals for dropping an N-bomb on Obama and wanting to cut off his nuts? Ain’t nothing like double standards baby. Racially and politically.

I’d love to attend the Democratic National Convention in Denver. I’d have a backpack full of Popeye’s chicken. Cajun. I’d stand there, eat it and dare one of those phony Go Green security guards to get their ass handed to them by me. Or we can be cool and I’ll share my Popeye’s chicken like good fellow Americans should.

Anyone who thinks Winnie the Pooh should shape US foreign policy most likely thinks the Teletubbies can be role models.

Gotta love Dove soap and their Dove Self Esteem Fund for girls. I guess this will be something else parents will be off the hook for.

What in the blue hell is a T. Boone Pickens?!

I’m so sick and tired of these idiots who keep drilling the point that if Obama Barack gets elected, he will be the first Black president in the history of the United States. Read the following, he won’t be the first Black president. Like my man Gary Sheffield said about Derek Jeter when told Jetes is the most prominent Black player on the Yankees, “He ain’t all the way Black.”

For more rants from the Angry Half-Asian Man please visit the A.H.A.M. archives.

Until next time . . .

I've got loads of stuff in the article archives as well as the interview archives. Check out the Mixed Asian Celebrity Gallery too! If you would like to comment on the articles or anything in the archives, please join the AsiansOfMixedRace.com forum. If you would like to contribute an article, poetry, artwork, book review, etc., or just want to drop a hello please email me at frank@asiansofmixedrace.com

Keep Striving & Keep It Hapa!